talk jitters

ahhhmm... what do you want me to do po? how do you want me to proceed?

scared a bit... my heart clings to you and assurance overflows. i am loved.

Revisited

Sometimes we need to revisit the past, not to wallow in misery, but, to better rejoice in appreciating where we are now. Today, I am reminded that the cotton candy got its stuffing and the turtle is holding its head high...not in boastfulness, but in jubilation.
This is not my story, this is His glory.
Joy. Peace. Love.

A visit to little Cheche

Due to the recent East London trip, I feared losing a lot of my 'unpublished' blogs... Thank God, Yahoo is doing their job to save and file, thus, I was able to retrieve all of my folders. :D 

Still, I found myself wanting to look back to good memories some years ago... and more willing to share today.

Hurt No More.

I don’t remember which part of the program the song ‘Still’ was sung… All I remember is that we were standing and singing…

I couldn’t remember hearing the entirety of the song, too…  All I know is that when I heard the lines, ‘Find rest, my soul. In God, alone,’ I started crying unabashedly.  I suddenly found myself alone in the huge hall.  Crying out to God.  Telling Him how tired I am.  Really, really tired.  I am having a hard time writing now; I can feel my eyes welling with tears just by remembering how it happened.  The line was ringing in my ears.  No other lyrics became audible except that, it’s like it automatically blurred into fading…

And then, with the line repeating in my mind, I talked to Him, “Ama, pagod na pagod na po ako.  Ang sakit-sakit po.  Ikaw lang po ang makakapag-alis ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.  At alam ko po, kapag naalis po yun, mararamdaman ko ang kapayapaan mo at magiging madali ang pagapapatawad ko.”  I was simply repeating these words, telling Him I’m tired and I do not know any tiredness beyond this is still possible.  I am telling Him how weak I was.  How I can feel that I’ll fall anytime soon.  It’s beyond physical tiredness.  It’s simply unfathomable.

Before the song came to an end, I felt a certain feeling of calmness.  I don’t know how to call it but the closest thing I have in my vocabulary for that feeling is peace.  The song is continuously being played at the same time, I was feeling peace from within.  I was still crying but this time, I was smiling.  I saw Jesus’ face, so peaceful, so calm; smiling at me.  Beside Him is Mama Mary nodding her head as if agreeing to what Jesus was telling me.  I am not hearing anything; I am just seeing them, feeling them.  I know that they were comforting me.  I also know we went to the little Cheche and I asked Jesus to tell little Cheche to forgive.  That it is over.  That there is no need to fight.  That she was not neglected.  And I remember Jesus telling the little girl, you are loved, Anak. You are loved. Ahhh…the little Cheche was smiling back while I was drenched, literally, in tears.

We came back to the hall.  This time I felt very light, though still crying.  The aura of calmness and peacefulness still remains.  When the song ended, I couldn’t stop uttering the words, Thank you.  I just said thank you over and over again. I felt peace.  I felt joy; sheer joy. I felt loved.  And I am affirmed that peace, joy, and love like this can only come from Him. 

Onwards to a new journey.

I am taking my life one day at a time right now.  I know I have succumbed to a lot of weaknesses in the months that passed and I am fully aware repercussions from those actions will arise.  But, I am not a bit bothered.  I am enjoying my journey for I now appreciate that He is journeying with me.  I am reminding myself always that triggers will come, fangs of negativities will arise…But I can easily chide my self into making her realize simply that she is loved and that’s all that matters now…I am loved.  I am loved by Jesus, the lover of my soul.

A note for you:

This composition is a piece of my being.  No grammar check, no assurance of subject-verb agreement.  Just plain writing from within.

I do not write to seek refuge.  I simply want to write it down.  So when I look back, I’ll remember how God became victorious that day.

I may have fallen a thousand times in the months that passed…

But I just don’t want to look back at that…I just want to move on.  I decide and I desire to move on.

Praise be to His name, my rock, my fortress, my salvation.

talk | soar

Prayer and Worship.  It is when you allow your heart, not your lips, to do the talking. And you let your spirit, not your feet, do the soaring.

#MEUnited

Well...hello there, 2013!
:D 

random.assurance.from.Him.

Only Him...
How He keeps my heart fearful yet trusting...
Scared yet believing...

Going through tough times?
I'd rather focus on the truth that I'm not going through this alone.
He is with me.

Praise be the name of Jesus...


His loving assurance:
Dear Maricel,

Learn the art of doing nothing. Where enjoying your existence is the only thing you do.

Relax,

God

P.S. Let me work even in your resting, Maricel.

What Mico reminded Ninang...

I didn't have any plans for another long weekend.  Thursday was declared a holiday, kasi.
I just wanted to stay home and chill.
But thanks to Ate Sam's call and I instantly had a date...Mico.
Ninang Cheche mode on.  I commissioned (hehehe) the help of Jen and Abi upon knowing they also didn't have any plans for the weekend.

Browsing through the pictures, I was reminded of some lessons I may have disregarded at times.

Meet Mommy Dragon

You can do it, just put your heart to it.

Yup, that's a dragon. Har! har! har!  Mico first asked Tita Abi to mold Flynn Ryder.  Then he turned to me saying, "Can you make a dinosaur?"  In my shock, I replied, "Ninang doesn't know how to make a dinosaur."  Being the helpful kid he is, he took his dragon, gave it to me and asked, "Okay, please make a dragon.  This is the daddy dragon, please make a mommy dragon."  I didn't want to frustrate him so I worked on my clay.  And that on the picture is a mommy dragon, wings and spikes, and all. :)  That moment, Mico reminded me that some tasks may be too daunting at times but once you accept you can do it and put all your efforts into it...you will definitely achieve something good.

Mico's comment after my finished product, "beautiful" and "good."  Ninang is mission accomplished.

Ninang, the car is taking a bath, just like Mico!

Enjoy the experience.

I kept on delaying our trip to Magic Planet.  From Dubai Mall, we dropped Tita Abi at Warba.  Then I asked Mico if we can go for a car wash first.  He became wary at first but after some explaining and assurance that we will go to Magic Planet after, he agreed.  I was praying he'll enjoy the car wash experience and he did!  He was so delighted.  I asked Tita Jen to capture his facial expressions during his car-bathing experience.  He even asked, "Ninang, can I touch?" referring to the soap suds on the window by his side.  I said yes while explaining he won't be able to touch the real soap suds because it's outside.  I explained the water rinsing...and the air drying.  He super enjoyed it I believe he forgot about the Magic Planet thing.  Seeing him in awe of everything, I was reminded not to lose the child in me.  To never fail to find joy in each experience. To always anticipate good things. :) Sheer joy.

  

He is not scary, he is a good dinosaur.

Not everything is the way it seems to be.
He likes dinosaurs.  And because he likes them, he believes they are good.  We went to Deira City Center's Magic Planet so he can have his treat of rides.  Upon seeing this dinosaur, he immediately said, "I want that, Ninang."  I was the one who got scared.  Its rubber head combined with its mechanism allows its head to move and its jaw to act like it's growling and waiting to munch on you.  Enough of my imagination. Hehehehe.  Mico went for a ride at the dinosaur's back.  And after the ride, photo opp.  Mico kept on reminding me, "He is not scary. he is a good dinosaur."  And indeed, not everything that looks scary is scary.  There's more than meets the eye.

 

We will go to Magic Planet, after?!

Stay on the goal.
After delays and detours, we reached our destination---Magic Planet!  Patience pays.  Explaining works.  With a promise of Magic Planet, but first brunch at Dubai Mall, visit to Warba, and eventually the car wash, we finally reached Dubai Mall.  I was laughing when while I was asking Tita Jen if she wants to buy anything from Carrefour Mico butt in and said, "Can we go to Magic Planet first?" Heheheh... Not another detour, Ninang. I told him yes, we'll go to Magic Planet first before Carrefour.  In life, we may have delays and detours, it may seem like we're taking a different road than others, we may feel like we're getting farther and farther than the original road....but in the end, it pays to stay focused on the goal and believing you will reach your goal one way or the other.  Lord, whenever we are in doubt, touch our hearts to trust and be comforted with the truth that You are in control.

A dose of appreciation makes the heart leap with joy.
After I made the clay dragon, Mico said, "Thank you. It's beautiful."
During the car wash, Mico kept on saying, "Wow!"
Upon meeting the dinosaur, Mico kept reassuring Ninang, "See, he is good."
After several rides and eventually getting tired with the Play Area...he agreed to stop playing and go to Mc Donald's to have dinner.  While I was cleaning him with wet wipes, Mico looked at me and said, "Thank you for coming with the rides. And thank you for bringing me here." :) :) :) precious, precious moment...What a loving appreciation from a four-year old whom you'll think was so focused with his playtime.  But no, he was so appreciative.  On our way to the parking, he again repeated his thanks.  Priceless.  I immediately sent a bbm to Ate Sam and shared my loving experience with Mico.

These are just 'some' of what Mico reminded Ninang during our bonding.  There are still sooooo many stories for just a day of being with Mico.  Ang haba na pala ng nasulat ko, hahahah.  Ninang super loves you, Mico!

Till our next date... :)