unworthy. affirmed.

Your affirmation Lord, amidst our unworthiness, is overwhelming.

All glory and praise be unto You, great God!

hear.listen.

John 10:27

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

When in doubt, grant me the grace to recognize Your voice. 

Clear out the noise.  Heed your instructions. And abide lovingly. Amen.

My Name Is...

Verse 1:Hello, my name is regretI'm pretty sure we have metEvery single day of your lifeI'm the whisper insideThat won't let you forget
Hello, my name is defeatI know you recognize meJust when you think you can winI'll drag you right back down again'Til you've lost all belief
These are the voices, these are the liesAnd I have believed them, for the very last time
Chorus:Hello, my name is child of the one true KingI've been saved, I've been changed, and I have been set free"Amazing Grace" is the song I singHello, my name is child of the one true King
Verse 2:I am no longer definedBy all the wreckage behindThe one who makes all things newHas proven it's trueJust take a look at my life
Chorus:Hello, my name is child of the one true KingI've been saved, I've been changed, and I have been set free"Amazing Grace" is the song I singHello, my name is child of the one true King
Bridge:What love the Father has lavished upon usThat we should be called His childrenI am a child of the one true King
What love the Father has lavished upon usThat we should be called His children
Chorus:Hello, my name is child of the one true KingI've been saved, I've been changed, and I have been set free"Amazing Grace" is the song I singHello, my name is child of the one true King

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuJWQzjfU3o

and knowing the 'promotions team head' in me...
I would really looove to use this video. :D

thanks to bloghopping, i stumbled upon this nice song

let go and you'll understand...

I used to feel the emptiness inside me
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I longed to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Were everything to me
And then one night 
Out of the blue
I heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that's what He wants
Every heart to do
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do 
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared 
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand

Why be afraid
For God knows what you're feeling
But even He can't do a thing
If He sees the heart's not willing
And so we ask what's going on 
We want what's right and still do wrong
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

I guess by now you'd realize
You can't be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go, letting go
Let go and you'll understand
Just let go and you'll understand

----------
i am reminding myself time and again...
let go and you'll understand
let go and you'll understand

whew!
baby steps, Lord...

retaliate not

even when hurt, choose the difficult path...to love.

retaliate not

but respond with utmost love...

kwt

you really love pursuing me, Lord...

you're always reminding me to let go
you're always teaching me to abide
my heart smiles back

my stubborn will gives in
knowing from the very beginning
you have willed it to happen

the reply was not an accident
it was an answer from the pure of heart
wanting, willing to give back
excited because it has conquered something new within
only to coil back when asked to be out of its comfort zone

forgive me for trying to find a way around it
:)
me and my stubborn heart
me and my stubborn will

kuwait it is...
i give in...
you're smiling...
and my heart sings...
peace and joy sets in...

understand.comprehend.agree.

I may not always, always understand
I may not always, always comprehend
I may not always, always agree
But my prayer is to always, always love

And I am reminded
love is not measured by agreeing always
love is not measured by undersatnding always
love is not measured by comprehending always

And I am reminded
I am not called to understand
I am called to love


I will let go the need to know why...
Because YOU know, Lord, better than I

change.fear.love.

i believe that the opposite of love is not hate, but, fear.
i also believe that our ability to love is far greater than our tendency to be afraid.
love.


And about you thinking my love will change...
YES...
It will...
because i believe
i will understand better
i will appreciate further
love.


as much as i would love to put and find meaning in everything
i also wait for each petal to slowly unfold with every drop of the morning dew
no pressure. just love.
love.


as much as i would try my best to be sensitive
i know a lot would escape me
i may not be sure with a lot of things

but at least
i can be sure with love.
love.


and let's lift up everything to Him
our perfect example when it comes to loving.
love.

strength within

thank you

thank you that amidst anything and everything...

strength and love becomes you

all so naturally

love springs eternal

because you have it in you all along

so, when everything seems dim and hope appears to be bleak

look within

He has gifted you with an eternal supply

of love

of understanding

of strength

of compassion

of wisdom

of resilience

and thank you

for I am blessed because of you

better days ahead

in His name

A visit to little Cheche

Due to the recent East London trip, I feared losing a lot of my 'unpublished' blogs... Thank God, Yahoo is doing their job to save and file, thus, I was able to retrieve all of my folders. :D 

Still, I found myself wanting to look back to good memories some years ago... and more willing to share today.

Hurt No More.

I don’t remember which part of the program the song ‘Still’ was sung… All I remember is that we were standing and singing…

I couldn’t remember hearing the entirety of the song, too…  All I know is that when I heard the lines, ‘Find rest, my soul. In God, alone,’ I started crying unabashedly.  I suddenly found myself alone in the huge hall.  Crying out to God.  Telling Him how tired I am.  Really, really tired.  I am having a hard time writing now; I can feel my eyes welling with tears just by remembering how it happened.  The line was ringing in my ears.  No other lyrics became audible except that, it’s like it automatically blurred into fading…

And then, with the line repeating in my mind, I talked to Him, “Ama, pagod na pagod na po ako.  Ang sakit-sakit po.  Ikaw lang po ang makakapag-alis ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.  At alam ko po, kapag naalis po yun, mararamdaman ko ang kapayapaan mo at magiging madali ang pagapapatawad ko.”  I was simply repeating these words, telling Him I’m tired and I do not know any tiredness beyond this is still possible.  I am telling Him how weak I was.  How I can feel that I’ll fall anytime soon.  It’s beyond physical tiredness.  It’s simply unfathomable.

Before the song came to an end, I felt a certain feeling of calmness.  I don’t know how to call it but the closest thing I have in my vocabulary for that feeling is peace.  The song is continuously being played at the same time, I was feeling peace from within.  I was still crying but this time, I was smiling.  I saw Jesus’ face, so peaceful, so calm; smiling at me.  Beside Him is Mama Mary nodding her head as if agreeing to what Jesus was telling me.  I am not hearing anything; I am just seeing them, feeling them.  I know that they were comforting me.  I also know we went to the little Cheche and I asked Jesus to tell little Cheche to forgive.  That it is over.  That there is no need to fight.  That she was not neglected.  And I remember Jesus telling the little girl, you are loved, Anak. You are loved. Ahhh…the little Cheche was smiling back while I was drenched, literally, in tears.

We came back to the hall.  This time I felt very light, though still crying.  The aura of calmness and peacefulness still remains.  When the song ended, I couldn’t stop uttering the words, Thank you.  I just said thank you over and over again. I felt peace.  I felt joy; sheer joy. I felt loved.  And I am affirmed that peace, joy, and love like this can only come from Him. 

Onwards to a new journey.

I am taking my life one day at a time right now.  I know I have succumbed to a lot of weaknesses in the months that passed and I am fully aware repercussions from those actions will arise.  But, I am not a bit bothered.  I am enjoying my journey for I now appreciate that He is journeying with me.  I am reminding myself always that triggers will come, fangs of negativities will arise…But I can easily chide my self into making her realize simply that she is loved and that’s all that matters now…I am loved.  I am loved by Jesus, the lover of my soul.

A note for you:

This composition is a piece of my being.  No grammar check, no assurance of subject-verb agreement.  Just plain writing from within.

I do not write to seek refuge.  I simply want to write it down.  So when I look back, I’ll remember how God became victorious that day.

I may have fallen a thousand times in the months that passed…

But I just don’t want to look back at that…I just want to move on.  I decide and I desire to move on.

Praise be to His name, my rock, my fortress, my salvation.

random.assurance.from.Him.

Only Him...
How He keeps my heart fearful yet trusting...
Scared yet believing...

Going through tough times?
I'd rather focus on the truth that I'm not going through this alone.
He is with me.

Praise be the name of Jesus...


His loving assurance:
Dear Maricel,

Learn the art of doing nothing. Where enjoying your existence is the only thing you do.

Relax,

God

P.S. Let me work even in your resting, Maricel.

Three years ago na pala yun.
I don't exactly remember the date; I have a talent for not-remembering certain dates.

It was during those times when I experienced yung hindi matawarang sakit.
While I was cleaning up my multiply site weeks ago, I decided to let go of the many articles I wrote updating myself of my pain barometer. Hehehehe.
I decided it's time to say goodbye to those memories and sincerely focus on creating new ones.

Three years ago.  Totoo pala yun na tatawanan mo na lang yung kagagahan mo after...
I started sharing about my experience whenever I give talks...and in all these talks, pinagtatawanan lang din nila ako.  Nakakatawa pala yun?!
But when we went to Fujairah for the same retreat, it as different.
While I was sharing, Gracie and Jeanette were there on the side. Hala!
Ayun na, we were laughing and crying and laughing and crying.  In fairness, natapos ko naman yung kwento...
Basta. Ang saya. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.
Tapos sa MEC, ganun din. I was looking through my Christ Pursuit pictures and realized...eto yun, eh.  My worst and yet my best MEC.  And here I am now standing and serving to yet another MEC.

Thank You, Lord for bringing me where I am now.
Sabi nga ni Bruce Lee, "People who do not believe they are walking in darkness will never seek the light."
My take...kapag in denial ka that you're walking in darkness, praise God for very good friends and supportive family who will lead you out of the dark.
Thank You, Lord for being my One True Light.  And thank You for letting Your light shine through my friends...

Because of His Grace

It's been five months since I lost my last job, technically.  But looking back...five months ago...up to now...even just last weekend...I am so amazed as to how I am able to survive. No, I don't like the word 'survive' alone.  I am in awe with how I am living, loving, serving, smiling, and all happy action words I could think of. Only by His grace.  I would like to focus more on the blessings---His non-stop call for me to serve. From Princess' Diaries to Princess' Diaries; travelling here and there...even outside the country.  Indeed His providence is never lacking, more so, ever fulfilling. The promotion for the recently concluded victorious MEC sustained me to stay positive and be reminded that I should be the first one convinced of the message we are conveying.  It wasn't easy...waking up realizing you have bills to pay...but find yourself submitting CVs instead.  My thoughts are running crazy now. Define coherent. Define cohesive. Hahaha!

I can go on and line up how the Lord continuously calls me to come to His side, from talks to missions, from conference service teams to workshop speaking.  Not to mention the people I gt to meet along the way who really proves they mirror God in their lives.  For the renewed friendships, for the hearts that continues on its way to healing...

As I was writing this blog, I cam across Kuya Kirby's article. And it struck me. Kaya pala. There's a line that says, But the Lord wants us to live a blessed life, more so to live in abundance. Contrary to the world, true abundance is in knowing Him, following Him, and in serving Him.

That's why I feel abundance in my life.  Only by His grace; He steers my thoughts to focus on the abundance.  Kaya nga you may not have everything but you will never feel lacking if you have the Lord.

Lord, I know I have 'Doubting Thomas' moments' pa rin po.  Please continue holding my hand.  Stir my heart into clinging to You more as you steer my mind into focusing on what is essential. And please don't stop calling me to serve.    

Heart and mind, steady lang ha.  Basta. Kapit pa. 

Oh, I will live for You; every moment of the day, to You I pray

Oh, I will worship You; every part of me, I will surrender to You

And I'll do it all, by Your grace...

Desert Song

by Hillsong

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,

Hi!  I won't ask how are you...I know (very well) how you are doing...
Or do I?


I know you're a bit tired...
I feel you're a bit weighed down...
I can think of more synonyms for tired and weighed down....
But, I'll stop here.


I wrote to you because...
Not that I want to disregard what you're feeling
More so, because I want you to open your eyes further (Yes! Hearts have eyes)
You are the seat of 'feeling' things around you...
So, I want you to 'feel' that there is more to being tired; there is a horizon beyond being weighed down.


And believe me...it's such a beautiful horizon out there!


I can hear you...no, it's not like that.
You don't look further to the horizon ahead to mask whatever negative feelings you are feeling right now...
But to have that hope...not just a sense of hope...real hope...that better things will come.
Actually, better things are here already and there's more to come.


Believe me.
I want you to believe...because we are in this together.
And as long as I can feel you are not giving up, I will continue fighting for you.


So, heart...don't fail me. :D
You were fashioned after the greatest prototype ever.
The first prototype for the heart was God's...
He was so delighted He made our hearts like His.


And I can hear Him right now telling us...nah, nah, nah...no one's giving up.


Heart, don't fail me.
Be strong.
We can weather this.
One of m favorite lines in the greatest book of life, "these, too, shall pass," keeps stirring me into holding on tight...
And my favorite story, the Lord is my shepherd, fortifies that hold.


So, heart...don't fail me.
Stay strong.
Continue beating  for me...please.


Love,
Me

Better or Bitter?

Bogged down lately by the 'what-have-I-achieved-really' disease.  In a time when people are counting anniversaries, celebrating birthdays, I found myself thinking...I am here now; what have I really become? What have I really achieved?


I felt so low, like life was sucked out of me.  I didn't realize it at first.  Further introspection led me to realize what was happening.  I am focusing on what I have not achieved. I am leaning towards what I hoped for and did not happen.  "After all these years; you've achieved so little", I can hear myself saying.  Mind you, I need not look outside my self to be envious of what others have achieved; I can be by myself and start lambasting myself with degrading comments...all on my own.


I tried to shrug it off.  I need to function. I have work. I need to be in the world for the meantime.


Then a friend called.  She was was asking for some clarifications about how she's feeling.  We walked side by side through her emotions. I was somehow helping her process why she's feeling what she's feeling.  


The Lord has His loving ways...super!


Just when I thought I was the one 'helping' a dear friend...it was actually me benefiting from the conversation.


We were both allowing ourselves to be 'victims' of our past; of our shortcomings; of our failed dreams.  And all along we are missing the beauty of the journey.  The problem with us sometimes is we reinvent and retell the story of the past to ourselves...believing it would make us feel better. Only to realize that it makes us bitter...not better.  Leave the past. Capture the lessons. Bask in the victory of past failures; looking back, you became better after every bout.


I instantly indulged myself in a moment of gratefulness.  I made a mental list of places I have been to, places that I have never dreamed of, even in my sweetest dreams, I'd be going to; I reminisced conferences I have attended; I thought of very loving people I have met in the years that passed.  I even revisited my previous birthdays, Christmases, New Years, family gatherings, fellowship, every celebration of life I could think of, and in SFC, we really mean it when we say "a lot."  Whew!  It was quite exhausting and refreshing at the same time.  It was not all happy moments...but all in all; majority; majority = 90% of these moments were love-filled, happiness-overloaded experiences.


Now, I recognized what just happened earlier.  I failed to be grateful.  I did not decide to be thankful.  I wallowed in what could have been instead of what victories have been achieved in spite of.  


I am sorry, Lord.  I know I should have known better to be more grateful than ever.  Because You have proved it to me several times...a lot of times, already. 


I remember another dear friend once told me, "Do not be sad that it ended. Be grateful that it happened." and indeed, thank You for all the experiences; thank You for the blessings. Thank You; I am grateful. Thank You.

God's Good News

And I....surrender...
All to You...
All to You...

:D
I claim, Lord that 'this' is good news, in Your Name. Amen.

Loving Conversations

scary. it's so uncertain. I'm such a worrier.
Will it be a 'good' year?
-Me

Anak, in the years that has passed,
never have I forsaken you.
I have never left you; ever.
I have stayed by your side.
What proof do you need?
Trust in me.
Believe that I will never leave you.
I will be here, my child.
-God

Can there be a new me? i'm so bugged with the 'hopeless case' scenario, Lord.
- Me

It's a new year. A perfect time for a new start; a new you.
Change your ways. You can do better.You can be better.
You will be better.
- God


Uhmmm...Lord, it seems like...our thanksgiving a while ago was too short...
Now we're on our supplication...prang ang haba po yata...daming requests...
-Me

I love to hear  your thanksgiving.  I like it when you pray your supplication.
Do you understand what I mean?
I LOVE the experience of you talking to me.
Just talk to me. About anything. About everything.
-God

I fought...and won! Praise be to Jesus!

I'm writing because I want to remember this day.
I fought...and I won...

Lord, I offer to you my (our) victories.
May you touch my heart to be humble and always seek You when tempted to be swayed.
May I always scoop victories upon victories in Your Name.

Sarap ng feeling po...
Salamat po.
Loveyou, Lord.

apologies

Praise God for breaking our Spirits so we can seek wholeness in Him and only in Him.