Three years ago na pala yun.
I don't exactly remember the date; I have a talent for not-remembering certain dates.

It was during those times when I experienced yung hindi matawarang sakit.
While I was cleaning up my multiply site weeks ago, I decided to let go of the many articles I wrote updating myself of my pain barometer. Hehehehe.
I decided it's time to say goodbye to those memories and sincerely focus on creating new ones.

Three years ago.  Totoo pala yun na tatawanan mo na lang yung kagagahan mo after...
I started sharing about my experience whenever I give talks...and in all these talks, pinagtatawanan lang din nila ako.  Nakakatawa pala yun?!
But when we went to Fujairah for the same retreat, it as different.
While I was sharing, Gracie and Jeanette were there on the side. Hala!
Ayun na, we were laughing and crying and laughing and crying.  In fairness, natapos ko naman yung kwento...
Basta. Ang saya. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.
Tapos sa MEC, ganun din. I was looking through my Christ Pursuit pictures and realized...eto yun, eh.  My worst and yet my best MEC.  And here I am now standing and serving to yet another MEC.

Thank You, Lord for bringing me where I am now.
Sabi nga ni Bruce Lee, "People who do not believe they are walking in darkness will never seek the light."
My take...kapag in denial ka that you're walking in darkness, praise God for very good friends and supportive family who will lead you out of the dark.
Thank You, Lord for being my One True Light.  And thank You for letting Your light shine through my friends...

God's Great News

I claimed.
I believed.

And indeed, it is God's Great News.

Thank You, lord, for a new work environment.

It may have taken me some time to write because of certain events interspersed with each other.
I would like to give thanks for the blessing of new work...although all my prayers were asking for help for my ate's situation.

I know I still can never thank You enough for my new work.
But still, I'll say...THANK YOU PO.
Maraming, maraming salamat po.

Two parts

One part healed; the other part wretched...

Thanks to Rona's infectious love for pigs...
It was so subtle I hardly noticed
I am fond of pigs again, Yey!
After she bought me that toothbrush holder from Bugis
To the Piglet Mouse Pad delivered through Gina
(which by the way I am not using for fear it'll be worn out, just like my othe 'pig' stuff)
Hmmm...this is something.
I can feel joy again whenever I collect pig-ables

I felt envious again that Rona had so much pig-stuff
Hahahahha! (envy is the key, pala)
From her sleeping buddy post which showed a cuuute pig stuff toy
To Medai's Racing Bib shot with Pig Wall Clock on the Background
(That I noticed right away...20/20 vision, eh)
I'm really back...

I was coercing Benz to buy pig stuff for me rin
Hahahha... Wawa naman Benz
Basta, ang saya!

-------
The part that is wretched

I don't know what and how it exactly happened...
We were on the phone, one moment
The next instance, I felt a thug in my heart
actually, a thug in 'unhealed' part

The devil sure knows where, when, and how to hit you
and he'll hit you hard
Kaya at the first sight of the wretched version of myself
I uttered my mantra of affirmation

I did cry, sure.

The flashback came so fast I wanted to watch Fast 5 to verify which is faster
(Hahahahah! Nice one... Dreaming I'll be inside the cinemas soon)
But before it can swallow me whole
Before it encroached my territory
I said, I proclaimed, I declared...Hey, that was from the past!
I know better now...

I am loved, being loved and will always be loved by my God.
Not that kid who's being shooed away anymore...
Breathe in the love of God...
God is good...

The pinch I felt in my heart lingered for a moment
My eyes were so chinky, hahahaha!
But I know deep within
I was able to control the flashback of the past from rushing in
Because I am loved
I am blessed with a new lease in life, a new lease in friendship
A new lease in all my relationships

Praise be to God!

inq

what's wrong with inquirer.net?
it's already Tuesday and I still haven't read Fr. Orbos' article
hmmmm...

Save her

I cannot always save her from being hurt
That would be unfair for me…for my ‘other’ friends
We should be past that stage…covering up

I have to fight my own battle
And that battle is with myself
To learn to accept things

I cannot protect her
I am not supposed to protect her
I should not protect her
If it means shielding her and fighting her battles for her
I should let her fight her own battles, too.

Being happy where we are now is the key



*even Harry Potter had to ride a broom and get past several ‘keys’ attacking him to get the one true key….

darating din

Hayaan mo, makukuwentuhan na rin kita ng mga pangyayari sa araw-araw ko.
Darating din yung araw na yun. Hindi naman ako tumitigil magdasal, eh.

And further more, makakaya ko ring makinig sa mga kwento tungkol sa inyong dalawa.
Konting pagsusuko pa.
Mas maraming dasal pa.

Nung kinukwento ko yung mga pangyayari nung nakaraang taon…
Wala na akong nararamdamang galit.
Alam  ko lang yung pagkakasunod-sunod nung mga pangyayari.
Kaya alam  ko…malapit na. Magwawagi na SIYA ng buong-buo sa buhay ko. Sa buhay natin.

Salamat.

time machine of a tortoise

it's quite amazing how a picture transforms into a time machine...

allowing you to

go back to where it once happened

remember the events, sometimes, in full 3D flashing before your eyes

reminisce the emotions

imagine the faces of the people you were with.

   

Was cleaning up my HD and came across these pics.

I remember very well the event, the people, the sequence...

But I cannot recall if the smile on this pic was genuine.

(Disclaimer: during those times i remember my smile line involuntarily worrking for my own 'good')

And it led me to pray.

 If I could forget whether I smiled genuinely or not in this picture...

I hope the healing of the painful emotions and feelings that came along with this memory is not far off.

One by one, I'm  slowly saving and stocking  up new memories to overwrite the previous ones...

Thanks for the conscious effort of friends... especially the parking incident. :)

Never let go of me, Lord...

I may be slow, but I always pray I'll keep up to my promise that I won't stop running the race...

And be reminded that it was the tortoise who won.

French

When what you have contradicts with what you want
Acceptance sounds French to you.

I am a Martha

Read Bo's article on two of the famous women in the Bible.
And I agree with him  that the story somewhat placed the Martha's into bad light...


Martha is okay.
Mary is okay.

What makes it 'wrong' is when we compare...

So, please...
enough resistance...let's try acceptance...
after acceptance comes contentment and joy.

Shall we?

YOU

Remember:
You are beautiful.  You are special.  You ahve your own core gifts.  And most especially You are loved by God.

So stop searching and asking for 'constant' affirmation...
It weakens your character.  It diminishes your spirit.  It makes you cling and wait for alms...

Again... You are loved by God.  That alone is more than enuf!

sa totoong buhay....

whatever i write on my post is almost always just a portion and parcel of what i'm  feeling, what i'm  going through...
it doesn't amount to the total whole (redundancy intended)...

i simply want to write...
i hope not to be judged...in a perfect world, i won't be...
now, thanks for reminding me i am  not in one...

another baby step

it just hit me...
one look into my outlook and I noticed I still have copies of it...
why am  I still keeping it...
why am  I still holding on to it...
as soon as I recognized the folder name, I hit the delete button.
and to really cement my decision...
went to the Deleted Items and said 'yes' to fully deleting all contents...

thank you, Lord for your grace...
that helps me 'decide' to let go...
praise be to Your precious Name...

inspired

the height of  katamaran magtrabaho,

inspired gumawa ng kung anu-ano...

*winks*

Stargate Episode 1

Yes, I had 'episodes' with me going to Stargate...

Am  I finally going there to 'heal' my tainted past...
To finally settle it with myself...

A blessed evening it was...
All negative thoughts disappeared.
I simply enjoyed being with the people I was that night...
Not even thinking that long before, I so wanted to go there with 'someone'
It was only now as I was writing that I realized...


Finally I conquered my 'Stargate'
I entered the gate toward the stars...
where a rather dim  sky is fully lit by the twinkling of the stars...
It isn't really dim. now...it is well lit, in fact.

thank You, Papa God...
for leading me to enter the Stargate and remind me that the worst was over....

real work

am  happy.

was able to do tons of 'real' work for today...
sana mas madalas na ganito...

tenkyu po, Father God...

recompense

I simply want to bask in God's goodness and appreciate that all these happened because He wants me to love more purely.  To really love and love still, even without recompense.

Part and parcel to finding your purpose. Hmmmm... Just Breathe.

headspin

headspin.

tinalbugan ang tumbling at cartwheel...
headspin na daw uso....

galing sa friend naming si bibe...
hindi niya kinaya ang asaran sa fb namin nila gina at monet (be's cousin)
ayun, headspin daw siya...
heheheheh...

where God wants

It’s still a looooooooooonnnnnngggg journey to acceptance.

Acceptance of the situation I am in, she’s in…
And where God wants me to be in…

Just breathe.  Take one step at a time.  Baby steps allowed.

We're different

Magkaiba tayo.

I did it for you while you did it for yourself…

Makes sense? Huh…

paos

as always...every year that there's a singolympics...
i'll always be paos....

but this year, super sianagd ko na...
kasi next friday i won't be there to literally cheer for them...

i'll be missin that...

:D