Better or Bitter?

Bogged down lately by the 'what-have-I-achieved-really' disease.  In a time when people are counting anniversaries, celebrating birthdays, I found myself thinking...I am here now; what have I really become? What have I really achieved?


I felt so low, like life was sucked out of me.  I didn't realize it at first.  Further introspection led me to realize what was happening.  I am focusing on what I have not achieved. I am leaning towards what I hoped for and did not happen.  "After all these years; you've achieved so little", I can hear myself saying.  Mind you, I need not look outside my self to be envious of what others have achieved; I can be by myself and start lambasting myself with degrading comments...all on my own.


I tried to shrug it off.  I need to function. I have work. I need to be in the world for the meantime.


Then a friend called.  She was was asking for some clarifications about how she's feeling.  We walked side by side through her emotions. I was somehow helping her process why she's feeling what she's feeling.  


The Lord has His loving ways...super!


Just when I thought I was the one 'helping' a dear friend...it was actually me benefiting from the conversation.


We were both allowing ourselves to be 'victims' of our past; of our shortcomings; of our failed dreams.  And all along we are missing the beauty of the journey.  The problem with us sometimes is we reinvent and retell the story of the past to ourselves...believing it would make us feel better. Only to realize that it makes us bitter...not better.  Leave the past. Capture the lessons. Bask in the victory of past failures; looking back, you became better after every bout.


I instantly indulged myself in a moment of gratefulness.  I made a mental list of places I have been to, places that I have never dreamed of, even in my sweetest dreams, I'd be going to; I reminisced conferences I have attended; I thought of very loving people I have met in the years that passed.  I even revisited my previous birthdays, Christmases, New Years, family gatherings, fellowship, every celebration of life I could think of, and in SFC, we really mean it when we say "a lot."  Whew!  It was quite exhausting and refreshing at the same time.  It was not all happy moments...but all in all; majority; majority = 90% of these moments were love-filled, happiness-overloaded experiences.


Now, I recognized what just happened earlier.  I failed to be grateful.  I did not decide to be thankful.  I wallowed in what could have been instead of what victories have been achieved in spite of.  


I am sorry, Lord.  I know I should have known better to be more grateful than ever.  Because You have proved it to me several times...a lot of times, already. 


I remember another dear friend once told me, "Do not be sad that it ended. Be grateful that it happened." and indeed, thank You for all the experiences; thank You for the blessings. Thank You; I am grateful. Thank You.

God's Great News

I claimed.
I believed.

And indeed, it is God's Great News.

Thank You, lord, for a new work environment.

It may have taken me some time to write because of certain events interspersed with each other.
I would like to give thanks for the blessing of new work...although all my prayers were asking for help for my ate's situation.

I know I still can never thank You enough for my new work.
But still, I'll say...THANK YOU PO.
Maraming, maraming salamat po.

Thank you for my 'Art Folio'

My FB Post:
"Woke up in the middle of the night, can't go back to sleep, thinking about what happened to you...But trusting and claiming that you are now resting in God's loving embrace...no more pain, no more suffering. Mahal ka namin, Ate Lea. Pahinga na ikaw."

Salamat sa paggawa ng magandang art folio ko...ikaw yun...ikaw yung 'creative' designer ko nun.
I want to stop thinking, analyzing, imagining how you might have felt...what you could have been experiencing...I want to believe it was 'painless' as possible. Love you, Ate.  Ayan, naiiyak ko na.
Tanawin mo kami mula jan ha. Bantayan mo sila Ate Malou at Ate Iting. Mahal na mahal ka nila.

Love you, Ate.

-------

After writing this post, nakita ko sa internet ang nagkalat na paghahanap sa iyo ng anak mo via different  tumbler posts and reposts. Nakita ko rin sa internet na libing mo po pala ngayon.
Siguro kaya kita naiisip kagabi, Ate. Pahinga ka na, ha. Hug mo na lang babies mo...lovelove ka daw nila.

God's Good News

And I....surrender...
All to You...
All to You...

:D
I claim, Lord that 'this' is good news, in Your Name. Amen.

01Feb2012 in numbers

31 days past 2012.
1st day of the second month of the year.
328 days till Christmas.
Less than 24 hours before my flight.

(DEFINITELY) Looking forward to 23 days of love-filled vacation experience.

My Tatay

Me and My Tatay

Happy, happy birthday to my sweet and gwapong-gwapong tatay!

Thank You, jesus for adding another year to my tatay's life.

May you bless Him with good health and more years to spend with us...

fan

Just now, I noticed, I'm on a 'I-am-a-fan' mode.
Last week, I wrote an email to The CompanY
And today, I sent an email to Fr. Orbos...

It's this certain happiness inside of me that I so wanted them to know they brigthened up my day, or days for that matter. And I didn't want to just let it pass.

I just hope I stay sensitive enough to other people who brightens up my day/s, too, and would take time to return the favor. 
Bless my heart, Jesus; please fill it with happiness overflowing that I may share You with others.

(edited as of 26Jan2012)
I just remembered...
I sent an SMS to Kris Fade of the radio show of the same name yesterday.
Fan mode, indeed!